So Close to the Start of Something New.

Kinda crazy to think that my show is in two days. 

In two days it will be over. Done. Finished. 

And then what? A next performance of this piece? A brand new one? A version of this?

I don’t know, and that’s what is so riveting about this job. 

I couldn’t be happier about where I am with this creation. I had my final rehearsal today before our tech rehearsal on Friday right before the actual show. It was great. I feel great. I know it can be great. It will be great when I let go and let this piece release from me. 

There are so many words to remember. Just so many words. But, I think I’m good when it comes to memorization of this one-man show. I’m so ready to get it up on its feet in front of my family and friends. It’s time.

This piece has made me look at my whole spectrum of dreams and do a bit of re-evaluation of it all: What is it that I want to be doing in this world of theatre? What do I truly want to be doing with this art? What road should I be traveling down?

All I know is that I love this work I’m doing with my cabaret. Kinda obsessed with it actually. 

I can make a difference with this kind of creation. I feel strong in this format, stronger than I have felt in an artistic mode, and that’s exciting to me.

More to come on all of this. There’s gonna be some searching of the soul after this performance. Different paths are to be taken and I am excited. I’m excited.

Here we go! It’s time to take off and soar.   

What happened to September?

What actually happened to September? Like, seriously though.... 

It’s finally becoming sweater weather and I have a night to sit and write a catch-up blog. I’m gonna push through and get to everything in a “short and concise” way. September was insane, full of ups and downs in all directions and on all levels. 

My brand new cabaret, “Braver. Stronger. Smarter.” has been coming together in so many amazing ways, and I am so proud of what it is becoming. Working with Martin and Shannon on this piece has been absolutely perfect. Their team-work in creating a compelling and intricate piece on all levels has set me in a beautiful state of pure joy and peace for this process. The stories are strong, the songs are just-right, and the combination of these two story-telling techniques brings my life to a whole new place. 

With less than two weeks till my performance date, I am in memorization mode. This isn’t like my first cabaret where I had my little cheat sheet on a music stand in front of me. Nope, not this time. Now it’s more of an hour-long autobiographical one-man musical. So I really have to know it backwards and forwards. I have a feeling I know it better than I feel I do, but tomorrow is my day to get the rest of the fuzzy spots sharp and toned for performance mode. 

Here’s my poster for the show with all the information for the performance. If you’re in the area and can make it out, be sure to make a reservation so you can get a discounted ticket at the door!

The creation of this piece couldn’t have come at a better time for me. Recently I’ve been going through those “actor crises”, aka, “Am I good enough to be in this commercial musical theatre world?”, “Why am I putting myself through this all?”, “Is this really what I want to be doing with my life?”. There’s a lot of business that people talked about that I didn’t initially pay attention to, but am now facing from time to time. This commercial musical theatre world (a term I got from my auditioning workshop) has the option of being EXTREMELY picky. The fact that I possibly didn’t get a role because I was too tall, that I may smile too much during one audition and then not enough for another, or that I’m gay (yes, even in this gay world there is fear about casting a gay man in certain roles) just makes my skin squirm. 

But this is where I am for now. I’m going to continue to audition for these big regional shows as well as Broadway because that was and still is an aspect of my dream. However, I am going to be spending more time on creating more of this work that I’m doing with my cabaret, whether it is touring this piece, creating new ones, or another dream of mine, creating a company dedicated to creating and spreading this kind of truthful, musical, theatrical story-telling. Obviously that is all up in the air now, but my cabaret has definitely opened my eyes to the kind of work that I truly want to do and the opportunities that have started to open up with that drive. 

In that “actor crisis” moment, I got super sick. Sicker than I’ve been in years. I was out for a week with a scary throat thing. With a lot of scared friends telling me I should “go get it checked out” I turned back to my Christian Science roots and had a beautiful healing. While they are supportive, I know a lot of my non-Christian Science friends think I’m crazy for not going to the doctor, especially when “my body is my career”. But I didn’t get to almost 24-years-old as healthy as I am without Christian Science. 

“But medicine is reliable. Why not rely on medicine to keep your body, your instrument in this business, in top shape to succeed?” 

Christian Science and its scientific healing methods have proved just as reliable as any medicine in my life as well as thousands of others. Sure, I definitely thought about going to the doctor a few weeks ago, afraid of never being able to sing again. But I stayed with Christian Science to eliminate the fear of any material substance being able to take my joy of performing away. And here I am today, no pills or shots and singing just as I was before. 

I’m continuing on with Christian Science now in a way that I haven’t experienced in a long time. After not being allowed to go back to the Christian Science camps because of being openly gay, I definitely took a step back from my faith. Now I am seeing clearer than ever that I can be whoever I am as well as believe and practice whatever faith that centers me to live a fruitful life. Christian Science is right for me now. Sure, there are still questions that I have, but this is truly a science, providing the methods and tools to live a happy, centered, and joy-filled life everyday. So this is where I’m starting from. 

Catering has been getting really old recently. Like really old. I feel like those older school horses for horseback riding classes/camps that just get bitter and pissy when they’re ridden so much with inexperienced riders. I find myself getting continually more and more snappy and pissed when I get back from working, and sometimes even while at work. So I’m staying open to other options for work if they come along. I still can’t beat the flexibility and pay that catering has to offer. Thus I’m going to stick it out for a little longer. Let’s just hope I don’t kick or bite someone like those school horses do... 

Amidst these little dips and bumps along the way, I have been the happiest I have been in a really long time. I met the most wonderful man who has brought not only so much light into my life, but continually stretches me to think, grow, and learn. You hear how the happiest couples explain that they are best friends. I never understood that until now. I can tell him ANYTHING I’m thinking about or dealing with. I’ve even been able to be really honest and open talking about Christian Science; the subject of faith in my past relationships wasn’t ever really talked about. But with us, both being spiritual people, we definitely talk about it, and I can’t explain how grateful I am for that. 

What’s even more amazing is that my parents like him. Yes, my boyfriend came to see me in “The Producers” this summer and stayed at my house for four days, hanging out with my parents and I. It’s crazy to think that just a few years ago I wouldn’t even dream about actually bringing someone home to introduce to my parents. We as a family just weren’t there yet. When I look back actually though, I think it was more my fear than my parents’, but it is what it is. To add to that, Mom and I took a day trip up to the Ogunquit Playhouse in Maine last weekend to see my boyfriend in their production of “Miss Saigon” (which was INSANELY FABULOUS). 

Everything feels sorta surreal right now, everything from how accepting my parents are and how open I can be with them about who I truly am, along with having this wonderful man in my life. I am so blessed. 

On another completely different note, I just figured out how to get some of my choreography up onto YouTube. So be sure to check it out! You can follow this link to my channel and see all of the videos I uploaded:

http://www.youtube.com/user/SchuylerJBeeman?feature=mhee#p/u

It has been a busy and eventful September to say the least. I am looking so forward to this October with my cabaret coming up as well as lot of auditions for shows I feel I’m right for. 

So here’s a big fall welcome to all! May the changing of seasons meet you well with lots of fresh apple cider, a new sweater, and the beautiful autumnal leaves.

The "Dry-Spell"

There is this alleged “dry-spell” when one receives the Equity Card. Everyone is excited to finally get the recognition that a simple piece of oaktag provides, but there is also the fear of the period of time right after. Who knows what actually “causes” this, the time in which we as actors don’t book gigs even though we’ve just proved that we have something in us that puts us on the same page as all other professional actors. The “dry-spell” is accepted. People just deal. 

I don’t like this, and I refuse to buy it.

Life is and should always be full with artistic intention whether cast in a show or not. I believe that this outlook can only bring good things. By staying open with an assured sense of beautiful things to come just around the riverbend, -  

- further inspiration for the positive steps to take can only be taken with grace and confidence. It’s with this mentality that we are immediately open to meet new and eager talent in this surprisingly small city who come together to create great work in the times when the commercial theatre industry may not need us. 

When I’ve been open to the joy and harmony that art brings, new artistic adventures and opportunities spring forward into view of any shape or size, all being equally beautiful and important in my life. That is what I will hold onto, not to the fear of the “dry-spell”. 

I am committing to staying open, to listening. 

It is time to break that spell before it even begins; I will be the one who does not let that supposed possibility hold me back. The “dry-spell” is quite simply a human creation from times that, yes, have happened before, but never 100% of the time. People who are affected by the “dry-spell” are the ones who let themselves be a part of the depressed, fearful, stressed percentage in this timing bracket. 

CHOOSE HAPPINESS (as Ms. Cassidy Boyd would say). 

Does this mean I feel I’m going to be cast in a show within the week? 

No. (If I do though, fabulous!)

What I’m trying to get at in this blunt manner is that whether I am cast in a show or not, that doesn’t mean that my life will ever be void of my artistic endeavors and jubilation. My art is my life and my life is my art. No one will ever be able to be take my artistic-living life away from me.

Instead of a “dry-spell”, I am entering an “art-filled-spell”. Here I am World! I’m ready!

To start this “art-filled-spell”, I have great news. I have just locked down on a place and time for a performance of my brand new cabaret, “Braver. Stronger. Smarter”: An evening with me as I recount moments of my first love, my father, and the auditioning world of commercial musical theatre through an unconventional combination of stories and show tunes. I have paired up with my awesome director, Martin Peacock, and my amazingly talented musical director, Shannon Collins, all pulling together some stories of mine for a new, edgier view of what cabaret can be. 

We will be at The Duplex Friday, October 14th at 7:00 PM. So mark it in your calendars now for a fun night of songs and stories!

This performance is only the beginning. With only one night, my hope is to have family and friends come out and share this experience with me: my first ever solo show in NYC. From this night, we hope to expand, find what was intriguing within the piece in performance, and continue to create more cabarets to be marketed to a wider audience, including cabaret fanatics as well as high school and college communities around the country. 

I am so happy with where we are going with this project. Please stay up to date on my Facebook profile about how to reserve tickets as well as how to donate to the creation of this piece. 

Here’s to an art-filled life for everyone! 

Whether it’s your career or not, commit to doing at least one artistic action a day simply for yourself. Sketch a tree, sing a little louder in church or the shower, go out to see a show or movie, or even write a journal entry or blog post. :-) 

It’s a beautiful way to live.

Week 2 of Audition Workshop: At the Edge of the Diving Board

And in a flash, my workshop has ended. So much has happened in these two weeks that I am grateful for, and they all started with the addition of this workshop in my life. Not only did I get that kick in the butt to finally go out and get new headshots, but also my resume has been revamped and rendered down into a clear, clean, classy, and professional format. Along with these technical yet absolutely necessary aspects of the business, I was re-introduced to those basic acting necessities that accompany a good, strong audition like salt and pepper partners scrambled eggs. 

What more can I ask for? 

Well, of course coming into this class, my big dream was that on the last day of our class, when we auditioned in front of Duncan Stewart (casting director), Jesse Vargas (musical director), and Jen Namoff (talent manager/producer), that one of them would see the spark of talent inside of me and offer me some sort of job. I mean, who doesn’t want that? “Oh, you would be so great as ______. Here’s your contract; you start next week.”  

And that didn’t happen. 

With performances that vocally felt great, a few spot on acting beats, and a lot of spastic, nervous energy coming out through my hands, I had a decent audition. Definitely not my best, but I took what I had learned and how I was directed through the class and just had fun, not worrying about having to impress or perform for everyone behind the table. And I had fun. I did. I was really happy with those acting aspects I honed in on and know that they can only get stronger with the continued work through the steps I revisited in this class:

• Find the scenario that works for you. It may not relate exactly with the actual story of the show, but that doesn’t matter. The scenario of the song must have super high stakes to allow the growth of the story to soar without the aid of all other theatrical devices (lights, costumes, book, other actors, etc.). Have the scenario and then find the truth of that situation through each lyric, rhythm, and pitch.
• Understand that you are only talking to your imaginary scene partner. One person. Pick that person and simply talk to them. 
• Ask this: What am I saying? Don’t just tell what the song is doing, what the song goes through. Just do it. 
• Create a journey: beginning, middle, and end. Create realizations. Create beats. There is an A to Z path that should be taken with hills and valleys, ups and downs, all ending with a positive “Z”. 

What resonated with me was that my intended choices don’t need to be, and frankly shouldn’t be, heady or complicated. Simplicity is relatable, easy to grasp, possible to understand. What I was feeling, working through my songs with Jimmy and Benton was that when you just say it, you are able to “act on the line, not around it”. So, instead of using all of my intention in weird, useless motion and eye choreography that leave my words plain and boring, focus all of that acting foundation onto the actual words, which will in turn infuse my words with an amazing essence of beautiful emotion. With that, I fell into my scene, into my character, into myself and just was there, present in the moment of the story, of my journey through the song. Truly enchanting. 

Now I’m at the edge of the diving board. Before, I was climbing the steps, then walking the gravely runway towards the crystal blue water. My toes are curled over the edge, ready for a few bounces and a final spring into the refreshing opportunities of new artistic endeavors. Will it be a splash-less entrance? Will I have to get out and climb those stairs again? Maybe. Probably. But at least I have the tools now to get back to the edge of the diving board again.

Am I all of a sudden the perfect auditioner? Will I book the next thing I go out for because all the tricks are in the bag? 

Hell no. 

BUT, I have come a long way through simple steps that may seem small, but are so important. When these are fully taken, only huge progress can come. Without this workshop, I don’t know if I would have been able to take that catwalk to the edge of my diving board and feel confident to jump in. 

Thank you to Jimmy and Benton for getting me up on that board and grounded to know where to go next. I am so grateful for what you both have done for my confidence in this field, in turn aiding me in the continuous understanding of who I am, where I am going, and what I wish to become not only as  performer, but as a person. I will always look back on this time as a hard - sometimes spiraling - but definitely positive time in my life that has only helped me in my further growth through this artistic career I have set out towards. 

Week 1 of Audition Workshop: Tears Creating a Blog Entry.

I had the great fortune of coming across an audition workshop that started right when I got back into the city. I’ve been wanting to take one of these workshops for a long time now, but it never was working out. Finally this one screamed out my name and I am so happy I took the plunge. I could go on and on about how happy I am about getting the kick in the butt of how to set up my resume properly, to get a new headshot, and to come back to those necessary acting basics that auditioning needs at heightened levels. I could go through my notes and talk about all the little tips I’ve been getting. 

But no. I have something else. 

The people who seemingly don’t work are always the best actors. I’ve seen this time and time again. I thought it was natural talent, just oozing from their pores in perfected pitch, time and rhyme. They couldn’t help it; their souls just needed to let go of all this talent, thus every time is a grand old time. 

Then there was me, the one who had to search, pry, scratch apart, and rip through to find that connecting factor to the natural creativity - that I do believe - we all have. I’ve been through that hell, that work, and have found the results where people applaud me and praise the creation that had happened before their eyes.

Even when I do that strenuous work, the “connection” doesn’t happen 100% of the time, and that sucks balls. Why can’t I have the natural, raw talent that they do? Why can’t I tap into the reality that brings my story across to the people behind the table? Why can’t I do it?!?!?!

What has separated me from those talent-oozing people is that they perform for themselves, not for the people behind the desk. I need to create for myself. 

This realization came today from my dear, wonderfully talented and amazing roommate Jayson, whom I’ve done FINIAN’S RAINBOW and THE PRODUCERS with. I came home tonight in, as I’m going to call it, a “raging-deer in headlights” mode. So, to define that, I was stunned, freaking out, and not knowing where to turn, all the while venting my pains and anger. In that spouting madness, Jayson (about a third of the way through) pulled out a piece of paper. I didn’t know what he was doing, but I didn’t care, I was a raging deer! After about 20 minutes I guess, Jayson picks his head up from the paper and says, “You said the word ‘like’ 13 times in 60 seconds.” 

Now, Jayson has been on my back about over-using the word “like” for some time now. I have been really trying to stop, but it has been hard, especially when this raging deer violently prances out of me. So who knows what it was, whether it was tonight’s class or using “like” too many times, but I started balling. Like (Yes, I used that word. Sue me.) BALLING to the point of not being able to speak. 

Jayson of course came over and started apologizing, but it wasn’t his fault. I needed that release. I can’t remember the last time I cried that much. 

So now I was a crying, savagely bounding deer who was just spastic and didn’t know where to turn. I was freaking out that I couldn’t tap into that work that I had done for the song I was preparing for class. I was just that pretty boy singing with a pretty voice and nothing else to offer. I was unable to make a correct choice. I would never understand how to connect to a song ever again properly. Grrreeeaaaat.

Luckily, Jayson was there to talk through tonight’s class, and this is what he finally realized through my conundrum: I have been performing for others, not for myself. “You have to do it for yourself”, he said to me. “Have pride in what you are creating. Are you proud of the work you did in your performance after working with the teachers?”

Yes, I was. I was happy with the new backstory I created with Jimmy (one of my workshop teachers) and felt I really connected to it in my song; I found so much joy with that change. 

The only thing I was getting caught up on was that I didn’t get the response that I was hoping for, the words that said, “There you go Schuyler, see, you aren’t just a pretty boy who can sing. You have so much to offer and will be cast in so many shows because you have the talent to be always working.” 

That is EXACTLY what I NEVER need to be looking for to feel successful. 

When I start performing for others, all I do is fail to connect to myself, because I’m simply focused on them, not myself. My ego doesn’t need a good pat on the back with a, “You’re so great”; it just isn't necessary. Their (the people behind the table) approval of my joy is totally unrelated to my success in this field, on these stages, in these auditions.   

I am here to share my joy for performing. I love to perform, to create, to emote, to tap in. When I share that joy, I will get those jobs. Simple as that.  

I’m so lucky that my career is one that lets me do what I truly love. What I’m now seeing is that I need to remember that I love this, that the joy of performing, whether in an audition or on the Broadway stage, brings me pure happiness. As long as I can perform, I will be happy.  

So, does this mean I’ll stop working and just say, “I love doing this, and because of that I’ll be good.” Hell no. Part of what I love about performing is the background work that goes into these creations. Lord knows I’ll be working my tushie off for next week, our final week of our workshop. We’ve all been given a character to come in and sing for. I’ve been given Lucas from THE ADDAMS FAMILY and I couldn’t be happier. I really connect with him and know that I am the right type for this role. So, on Tuesday we will work on the sides and songs with our teachers, Jimmy Smagula and Benton Whitley, and on Thursday we will come back in with those same scenes and perform them in front of some members from the industry (casting directors, agents, etc.). It’s a wonderful opportunity to be seen by some major people in the industry, AKA the people who help people like us get jobs. 

Obviously there are nerves, but that’s what my preparatory work will quell, along with my newfound re-realization of how much I love to create and perform.


P.S. As I was writing this, of course I got a text from Jimmy that said this: "You did great tonight!!... I felt like you really let go on the last pass and it was awesome." That made me SO happy, BUT it's not what I need to feel successful though, as I have learned. :-)

Dancin' Again!

I took my first dance class since a year year ago tonight. 

It was amazing.

I had forgotten how much I love dance classes: stretching, sweating, strengthening, and picking up choreography. My good friend Sally Swallow, whom I went to Middlebury with (she was our Sally Bowles in our version of CABARET up there) suggested that we go and take class together then have dinner after to catch up. I am so grateful that she suggested getting back into the studio; I always get nervous going back, knowing that I’ll be out of shape, stiff, and rusty on picking up the steps. 

But this was different somehow.

We were taking the Intermediate/Advanced Musical Theatre Dance class at Broadway Dance Center. Tonight we had a sub, Michael Mindlin, and he was superb! Be sure to check out his BDC faculty bio to know when he is teaching. So talented and grounded in his art.


http://www.broadwaydancecenter.com/faculty/bios/mindlin_michael.shtml


Our warm-up was definitely a workout, but also so fluid and relaxed, allowing me to center myself and really let my muscles warm-up properly as they came out of hibernation for their solid stretching session. Then we got to learn a routine for the second hour: a Fosse inspired piece to “Don’t Rain On My Parade”. It was subtle yet so powerful in its direction changes, intricate turns, head pops, and arm extensions. Dance heaven.

I was really nervous when it came to do the full combo in our small group of guys, wondering if I would remember the steps with all the other dancers watching along with the instructor (whose dancing was quite literally effortless... pure beauty.). What I told myself though before those first hip hits began the combination was, “Have fun Schuyler. Just have fun.”

Did I get all of it perfectly. No way. But I got a lot more than I ever thought I would with my dusty technique. And more importantly, I had an absolute blast. My goal in the future is to feel confident enough to step up to the front line and perform there without the safety of the other better dancers in front to jog my memory when I go blank. All in good time... 

So, Sally and I now have a weekly date: Mondays, 4-6, BDC, Int./Adv. Musical Theatre Dance. Screw a gym membership; time to get my BDC dance card and get back into class. I had the time of my life tonight PLUS got in shape! What’s better than that? 

If you’re in the area and want to come, dance, and have a smile imprinted on your face, come on down with Sally and I. We all will have a grand old time yessir! We’ll have a grand old time!

  

End of Thisssssss Chapter

It’s quite amazing to me how fast “The Producers” has flown by. One second we’re in the depths of rehearsal and all of a sudden our four week run is over. Just done. 

“The Producers” was one of those shows I wasn’t ready to move on from. Who knows if I would have ever been ready actually... This comedy is one you continually play with in each performance, each scene, each beat, each moment in time. Even just a few days ago, I was still finding new aspects of Carmen, fresh ways to see the action, and crafty ways to approach each staged relationship. Our production was alive, breathing; the only reason it thrived was because we let go and let be what this theatrical genius of a piece manifests in the utter aspect of being itself. 

When I let myself go and stopped freaking out about whether I would “get it” or not, everything revealed itself. All of a sudden, the instances and specificity that I so wanted to understand, create, and hit accurately in my performance came when I came back to what Billy Porter told me: “Know that you are enough. You have everything you need.” It was then and only then that I got out of my on way and dove directly into the heart of who Carmen was to me as well as to our company’s production. 

I had a blast with Carmen. This role for me was truly a dream and was so sad to see this incarnation of him end today with our bows. Carmen was a (as Mom put it and I agreed with) a complete culmination of all that Middlebury had taught me. Everything from throwing actions at my counterparts -whether spoken or unspoken- to the physicality choices that were birthed throughout, to my singing and dancing, all came from my time at Middlebury. 

Overall though, the skill that Middlebury taught me that I found invaluable in my growth as an actor/creator in this process was that there is going to be a lot of homework, but you don’t necessarily have to complete it all to learn the subject matter the best way. That’s right, I never did all of my reading at college. BUT, I would find what was interesting to me, what intrigued me, what I knew would help me in understanding whatever it was to be learned -whether in theatre or other classes- and delved into that. It was through that sifting that I really focused on aspects that I could grasp, and then through the class, all of the pieces would fall into place in time to create that full comprehensive understanding. 

I didn’t study all of Mel Brooks movies to get his comedic timing down. I didn’t break down each scene into beats and actions. I didn’t create detailed backstories. I didn’t do a lot of things. But what I did do, I did with 110% of my being and devotion. What I found was that with that dedication to those certain portions I could grab a strong hold of, the rest simply came to be by trusting. 

I am proud of this production, and I will always look back on this time with the fondest memories and most rewarding sense of honest and harmonious creation throughout the four weeks of production. It surely wasn’t easy by any means, but it truly sits within the top three best productions I will always be proud to say, “I did that show”.

Of course, I could go on for ages about the ensemble that I had the great honor of working with. Literally though, the amount of stories along with all of the inspiring stage creations and chats I was privy to in this cast could go on for many more pages. These are people that I know I will work with again because they are not only that flippin‘ talented, but they are some of the silliest, nicest, funniest, honest people I know. I learned something from every single member of this company that I will hold with my inner artist for the rest of my life. I cannot wait for all of us to get together again and play both on and off the stage. 

I know we all say this about a lot of casts, that theatre people are the best people, that we love everyone. I’m sure it comes from our dramatic ways; we just LOVE everyone! I will be seeing these people again whether they want to see me or not. :-) They truly mean that much to me. Throughout the run, I kept casting people in roles of musicals I hope to direct in the near future and got super excited. I cannot wait to collaborate again  with these individuals and continue to foster the harmony that theatre so amazingly supports naturally.    

I hate to see this show close, but new adventures are awaiting. I’ll be spending a week here in Guilford to reorganize and revitalize myself before coming back into the city for audition season. It’s also time to get cranking on my cabaret that will be going up this fall. 

Thank you all who got to come out and see the show. It meant so much to have so many wonderful familiar and supporting friends and family in the audience. I felt so blessed to have you there, whether in a seat or in spirit from far away. 

So long July and hello August. Here I am, (almost) ready to step into this next (and so far) blank chapter with a sun tan, an Equity Card, some pay checks, and absolutely amazing memories of my time with “The Producers” at The Ivoryton Playhouse. 

Here’s to what was and what will become of my life now...