Sunday, March 31, 2013

Separated from the Flock.

I knew in leaving the city, I would be distancing myself from a whole network I had woven together. These individuals come from all walks of life, bringing their vibrant selves and driven goals into the fold, ultimately inspiring a force to be reckoned with in this creative world. Leaving their immediate sides was extremely hard, but I understood, and continue to see, that moving back to Connecticut was the best decision for me and my career. 

Being an only child, I'm used to being alone. If I don't have my alone time, I'll become a nasty bitch. I've recognized this and just make sure to take that time consciously and willingly. But, I miss my quilted family from the city and the abilities to easily snuggle in when that contact, that connection, is needed. Here in Connecticut, there simply are more times when I feel alone, and all I want to do is cry out like that lamb separated from her flock, hoping someone will come find me.

It's doable, going into the city and seeing people. But it's on that cusp of being easy and difficult. This seesaw effect is surprisingly trying on the soul. Plans made are now an event, every time, when before it could be a break. Thus, I usually revert to staying home to make it all "easier".  

One fact I kept sharing with patrons and creatives at Long Wharf Theater was that sheep are super responsive to the energy around them. They're herd animals, they have to be aware of what's going on around them or they could be left behind, alone and vulnerable: the worst fate for a sheep. So, if the audience or actors were excited, so was Edie. And on the other side, if people were calm, she was calm. All she wanted to do was be with those around her; there is a safety in numbers, being with others. 

I have realized that I need to make more of an effort to go into the city and see those people who make me laugh, think, and create by the love and light they naturally emanate. I must file back into that herd mentality every now and again to check in with those I love, and in return, grow myself. The social animal I became in the city is still alive in me and needs its flock more often. So now it's a factor of switching my mind set: make the "event" a "break". 

It's possible because it has to be. 

Along with this, I hope to weave another family here in Connecticut. It's time - now that I have the time - to get out there and find those like-minded peers. As much as I yearn for this social-ness of life, there is something so middle-school-scary about throwing yourself into new social situations. And yet, it must happen.

So, here's to jumping up and out with both feet.