Friday, March 4, 2011

Starve.

Oh wow, I got a show. I’m gonna be in a show. 
There’s a moment after a day of auditioning where I think I’ll never act again. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who thinks this way. Actually I know that I’m not the only one. It’s nerve-racking with the world going by, swirling around as others get call-backs or bookings left and right while I seemingly am left behind.
But that’s why we persevere. We know it’s still possible, that someone will see our potential and commitment to create. 
And now I am going to be acting again; I have proved my fears wrong! I have been cast in the Westchester Sandbox Theater’s main stage production of The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee as Chip Tolentino, a part I have always wanted to play. Vocally, it sits perfectly in my belt, plus the opportunity to be an adult and play a kid is always fun (when you’re a giant like me, you rarely have the chance to play younger). They have also asked me to be their Assistant Choreographer/Dance Captain after seeing my choreography work on my resume which is super exciting! 
If you don’t know the show, it’s a great ensemble based piece cleverly put together to bring the lives of spelling bee contestants’ into the competition ring. I remember seeing it on Broadway with my great friend Steph and laughing hysterically while also being touched by these beautifully deep kid characters. Through the characters’ lives and experiences, we as adults connect with them and learn more ways to live life as children do, to emulate their willingness to learn as well as their joyful, understanding innocence.
I’m still waiting for all the specifics of the rehearsal and performance schedule. The actual performance dates are April 9th, 10th, 13th, 15th, and 16th, so if you’re around and can make it, I would to have you there. It’s a quick train ride from Grand Central on Metro North to Mamaroneck, NY. Be sure to check back for exact times and ways to get tickets to my “Not in Connecticut and Closer to New York City Regional Theater Acting Debut”! Also be sure to check out their website: http://www.westchestersandboxtheatre.com/
This past Sunday I had the great opportunity to perform my cabaret, “Another Staged Experience” for a third time at the First Congregational Church in Guilford. My good friend Stuart saw the first performance at the Blackstone Library last December and asked if I would be interested in coming and performing it again after there was an opening in his church’s Joyful Noise Concert Series. I was so honored and excited about putting this up again for the third time in three months, now in my hometown and right round the corner from where I grew up. John was available again which made life so amazing. He truly is a wonderful person and musician and made my whole experience so perfect. 
Since my last performance at Middlebury, I knew I wanted to try and be more concise with my story-telling. I took the script and made necessary cuts where I felt I was repeating myself. There were times in my stories where I was flat out explaining my feelings when I could easily express those exact emotions, those personal moments through the songs I had so specifically chosen. My biggest change was deleting a full section between “Someone to Watch Over Me” and “Being Alive”. While this revelation came to me before working with John, I had no idea if there was a way to link these two different keyed songs, hoping to make a transition without a break, allowing the emotions to blend together and through. Bringing this idea to John, he immediately said, “Oh, just stay on the ‘-ver’ note for ‘me’ and it I’ll just go into the next vamp.” It was beautiful and just the effect I was looking for. I cannot express how perfect it was and how amazing it sounded in my soul. 
I had an amazing turn out. Among the 125 people in the audience, there were some special surprises of dear friends from my past who popped up here and there among the pews. There was Allie who I did my first ever musical with years ago, Maggie who was my stage manager in high school, my dear childhood friend/honorary sister Marinne, and the great/terrifying surprise of my grandmother, who didn’t know I was gay... I saw her come in, sit in the third row right behind my dad, and said to myself, “Well, she’s gonna know for sure now.” And she took it all so perfectly and lovingly. I couldn’t have imagined telling her any other way than through my art. 
The show went well, but not great in my book. Vocally I didn’t feel as on as in the past; I couldn’t get a deep breath for some reason. All of a sudden this huge space that I was so excited to sing in after having sung in little audition studios for weeks on end was quite daunting as I stepped up on the platform. For some reason, this space that I have done many a chorus concerts in, the microphone I was singing into, and this very varied  audience kept my diaphragm stuck in the “up” position. As for condensing the stories, I think I cut out too much. Everything went so fast; the speaking transition times of my storyline which are intended to help carry the audience along was rushed and difficult to jump onto at times. 
While there were these minor feelings of deficiency, my acting moments that I really wanted to work on had a major leap in improvement. This third time was the first time I was off-book for everything. My notes were there to my side on a music stand, but I never used them for my songs and barely used them for my stories. I knew that I knew it and just went with it. The response I got from this huge step and my more committed acting choices was great. Sure, vocally I had my off moments, but the people who had seen it the first time and now in this third time kept saying how much more alive I was in my songs and how connected I was to their messages in relation to my own story. It gave me concrete evidence that not everything has to be pretty and perfectly sung to make a message come across.
What’s the next step with this piece? This third incarnation of “Another Staged Performance” showed me that I’m ready for a bit of an update, some revamping. As my times and adventures in the city continue to pile into my being, more and more of this chapter of my cabaret is becoming out-dated. I’m excited about my next phase with this and creating a piece ready for the New York City stage. With some re-balancing work, cuts, plus a few new songs and stories, I feel I am equipped to create an even stronger piece. I’m turning back to Faith Prince’s cabaret recording, “A Leap of Faith” to get some new pointers of how she put the general and specific moments of her experiences into a well organized and balanced creation. 
Now I need to find my next part-time job... It’s definitely been a tough process, but some leads are coming through the cracks. This is the exact reason why I saved just to have a little to fall back on during my transition. I don’t want to fall too far into my savings and do want to find jobs both in and out of my art that will pay sooner than later. However, I know that this is the time for me to do shows that don’t pay to beef up my resume so it’s not entirely “Middlebury College” productions, giving casting directors and someday agents a little variation to sift through. 
It’s time to be the starving artist I’ve always said I’d be someday. But what exactly is a starving artist? I’d like to think that starving doesn’t mean not having enough money to eat, ‘cause Lord knows I don’t do well hungry. 
To starve: [ trans. ] (usu. be starved of or for) deprive of something necessary.
My art is what keeps me alive. There are going to be the times when I’m not in a show, and I will be starving for that work. But what I’m also realizing is that while I’m starving for a particular kind of work, there is always other work to be done to become the artist I truly wish to be. Whether its catering, revamping my cabaret, temping, seeing shows, dating, or writing, I’ll work while continuing to starve. I will carry on, starving for that stage role on Broadway, but I will never keep myself from being and becoming the full artist I truly am. 
I will starve. I will create. 
I am starving. I am creating. 
I am a starving artist. 

2 comments:

  1. That's great, Schuyler - congrats on the part and the choreo! They're gonna love you!

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