Consistency.

So I'm realizing that my whole consistency deal with this blog is not really there yet.

Something to look forward to. :-)

The past few weeks have been insane but great. I've been in the city running around, auditioning, and bumming on couches more than at home working. This obviously has its ups and downs. But let's just say that this whole life style of living at home and trying to make a name for myself in New York City has been exciting and strenuous. The past two trips that I've taken have had me there for five days or more. And let me tell you, packing bags that can be mobile and hold enough clothes and stuff for five days isn't that easy for me... But I must say that my packing skills have really exceeded an excellence that I didn't even know possible.

All jokes aside, this lifestyle that I've been leading lead me to a conversation with one of my best friends in the whole world, Leah. I met Leah at Middlebury when she was a senior and I was a freshman. I auditioned for the a cappella group that she was in and immediately became friends. We also both did theatre which made us immediate kindred spirits. Leah was also the first person that I talked to about being gay. We both tell the story differently, but how I remember it is that I said that it was something I was thinking about and she immediately started searching for a boyfriend for me in the show we were about to do together, Cabaret, which was my first show at Middlebury. Little did we know that month before we started rehearsals that she would introduce me to my first boyfriend who played Ernst Ludwig and the rest would be history. :-)

Leah and I chatted about my past month of auditioning and regularly being in and out of the city. Between September 7th and October 3rd, I've gone to 13 auditions and was seen at 11 of them. For those I've been in for two days at a time and sometimes six. And while it has been great to live at home, it has not made everything the easiest as I try to find my own way in the city. The mere factor of not always having a definite place to go back to and sleep or raid the fridge, a place of my own, is hard. And I'm tired. I'm tired. How can I be my best at an audition when I'm tired and trying to make my plans for the next day or where I'm sleeping that night? I can't.

These are all the great points that Leah was able to bring up in her supportful, loving, and caring way of hers that no one else is able to do. She has made it known that she believes I need to be there to do it. I need to officially live there and try. Because if I don't, and I keep trying it this way with this inconsistency, who knows where my future will actually lead me. I need to try, and I can't try if I'm still at home.

The next step that I can take now is making myself a trajectory, a path on which I want to accomplish certain things and be certain places at specific times for the near future. I haven't made this yet, but I hope to in the next few days and post it in my bathroom so I will see it everyday. All I know is I want to be in New York City in February. I'm going to be in New York City in February and will do whatever it takes for me to get there then. Stayed tuned for that...

Okay... now a bit of an update.

Last week I went to the EPAs for Emma the musical, my first audition at Telsey Company. I stayed there for about two hours, with my knitting in my hand, and was then told they weren't seeing any non-equity or EMC auditioners that day. I heard near after that that happens a lot at Telsey... Unfortunately too that was the only audition I had that trip into the city. I was able to see friends and catch up though which was really nice. Kinda of a bust though.

This most recent trip that I got home from today was much better! It was definitely a rocky start though. First off, I realized as I was on the train in that I forgot to bring more copies of my headshot and resume. One copy just wasn't going to cut it for the three auditions that I was planning to go to. Luckily my mother was able to email me with attachments of both, and I was going to have enough time before my catering gig that night to run to a Kinkos and print off some copies. I get there with the perfect amount time. Then it was just a snowball effect downhill from then on:
- Of course only one of the machines was working, and someone was using it for a good 15 minutes.
- The scanner and printer was SO slow! So I decided to just leave the fourth and final copy in the machine because I was cutting it close in needing to get downtown.
- I got lost in the hectic mess of midtown, finally finding the 1 train drenched in sweat having run around in circles with two bags and my catering clothes on a hanger all in hand. As I went for my MetroCard, I realized I left my credit card in that scanner. I freaked. I had ten minutes to get to my gig and ten blocks to walk back to the Kinkos and hopefully find my card.
- I called my boss and explain the situation, and he was great saying just get there as soon as I can. Luckily the card was still there, but I get to my gig 45 minutes late, now sopping wet with sweat. I tried to clean myself up, threw on my clothes, grabbed a platter, and walked around with wild mushroom-sundried tomato flatbreads, mini-burgers (the biggest hit), and fruit tarts for the rest of the night.
I finally ended up at Emily's to crash and get up early the next morning for two auditions the next day. A long day to say the least.

The first audition of the day I went to with Emily. It was for The Flea's Theater non-equity company, The Bats, which two Middlebury alumni are in. It called for two contrasting monologues, one classical and one contemporary. Now, I can't remember the last time I've done a monologue for an audition and I was super nervous. I first chose to do Arnold from Torch Song Trilogy, which I did for my senior thesis up at school. I knew it, I felt comfortable with it, and how many people come in and do a drag queen monologue for an audition? My second was Oberon from Midsummer, which I did for Acting 2 junior year... So it was in there, somewhere.
When we got there for our time slots we had signed up for before, we heard they were only seeing one monologue each rather than both. So immediately I put all my focus into Arnold. As Emily comes out, she says that they had her do both... Then I was asked to come in.
Arnold went amazingly well. I was shocked at how much the artistic director and other company members in the room were laughing. It was a great feeling! I feel that I had gotten all the beats even with a shortened version of what I did for my thesis. As I was about to leave the room, they asked for my second. Shit.
I started off, and about four lines in I started to be my own Shakespeare... Six lines in I stopped and asked if I could start over.
He said no.
He then proceeded to give me a three minute long lecture about why he doesn't allow people to start over and how ultimately that class attitude shows how I could be to work with in the future. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I was so embarrassed. Sure, I knew my Shakespeare was not as prepared as it should have been. Now I know how important it is to have that extra piece, pristine in your back pocket. But I took it as a good lesson to be learned to really have everything put together in my audition. However, it was cool that I was asked to do my second as Emily pointed out. Something must have went right for the first, and they wanted to see more. Who knows what will happen from that though...

Soon after this bomb, I had to pick myself off the ground and get ready for what I've been looking forward to for weeks now: the La Cage Aux Folles dancer auditions. I saw the production that is on Broadway now in London last summer and was absolutely amazed by the talent of Les Cagelles. I knew immediately I wanted to be one of them, but I feel my dancing is not up to snuff. Really when it comes down to it, I'm not bendy enough; I don't have the full split. Nonetheless, I saw this dancer call and I knew I had to go, try, and see what happens. Really there was nothing to lose.
I was in the second group to go. As I watched the first group come out sweaty and bleary-eyed, I knew I was in for a treat. The associate choreographer who was teaching us was the guy who played Hannah in the West End production I saw as well as Hannah here in the states. It was just an honor to be near him; he is phenomenal. At one point it looked like he just kinda tripped into the most beautiful leap... I was in awe.
The first round was a simple ballet combination. We went in groups of three. I was in the second group in the back of the triangle they put us in. As we started, I immediately realized I had two non-dancers in front of me, getting in my way, and throwing me off. I was furious and petrified. Were these two guys who were throwing me off going to keep me from moving on?
Luckily no. I moved on to the second round! Next we learned the actual choreography from the show. It was not easy, and there were parts that I never really got perfectly. But the choreographer said something that really stuck with me: "All you have to do is focus on yourself in this room. No one else. Perform, indulge, and have fun." Each time I practiced the combination and when I finally went out, I prepared myself and performed to have fun. Sure, I lost it a bit when the difficult parts came, but when I came to a part I knew, I put all that I could into the step. I wasn't thrilled with my first go, but they asked myself and two other guys to try it one more time, which was awesome! The second time was much better, and got me to the next round where I was going to be able to sing my 16 bars! I had gotten through all the dancing for the La Cage Aux Folles auditions and was moving onto a section of my art that i was much more comfortable with... I was on Cloud 9!
The 16 bars were okay. I sang "All I Need Is The Girl" again. The bell tone I got at the beginning was a lot different than I had had before, so I kinda slid to my first note. But after that it was okay. Overall though, I was just so ecstatic that I had gotten that far for a show that I would do anything to be a part of.

The next day I was going to go back for the chorus singer call for La Cage, and hopefully be able to sing another 16 bars for the casting director as well as the musical director. I was wondering if a lot of people did go for both, and was interested if I was going to see some of the same guys from the day before. I saw only a few which was interesting. I personally still don't know if I'm a dancer who sings or a singer who dances. But for now, why not go twice and be seen twice?
I got in to sing my next 16 bars from "Old Devil Moon". After I sang, the casting director said, "Terrific!" I was shocked. Never in my life have I ever had a person auditioning me say that before. It was amazing! Sure, who knows what it actually meant or even if he says that to everyone. All I know is that he remembered me from the day before, he didn't say that the day before, and he seemed like a genuine guy. With all of that, I obviously still have no idea what that could mean for my future in this show if there is any. But, it did give me a boost of confidence that I am at least doing some things right, and that I need to keep on trying. I do have something to offer, now I just have to find a way to be as consistent as I can in showing my talent and that it is meant to be seen by more than a mirror, piano, and casting director.

My next phase is to spend a bit more time at home and work a bit more. I will still go in for some auditions, but maybe not as many as I have been going in for these past 27 days. I want to continue to be seen and to be known as a contender for this business. There's still a long way to go and I lot more to do, but it's all coming in time. Hopefully my trajectory will help. I know it will help.