True Income.

The first weekend of Fright Train definitely had some frightening moments...

Only one other time in my life have I ever been a part of a production that I truly did not want to go up and perform in. The first was a thrown together production for the new freshman class during orientation my senior year at Middlebury and now, it's Fright Train. Unfortunately, as felt by both the other actors and the director/creator of this show, there has not been nearly enough time to put this large idea into practical formation. And frankly, that sucks. It never feels good to know that if there were just two or three more weeks to really pull this brand new idea into fruition that it would rock.
I don't think it's necessary to go play by play of what happened this weekend and recapping every detail about what went wrong and how it made me feel. Re-venting that just doesn't seem right anymore. Basically, the one chance I had to perform out of the six performances was a flop. The whole climatic section of the show where a bunch of zombies come out of the river toward and onto the train just didn't happen around my car. I had only one zombie come on my train during the whole ten minutes. I scrambled, trying to get the passengers to "stay calm" when there was nothing to be afraid of. Running outside and turning off my microphone, I yelled down the tracks, "I NEED ZOMBIES!" But they never came.

Frankly, it's hilarious now when I write it, let's be honest. But at the time, I was legitimately scared. This was improvisation in a whole new light. I had nothing to work off of, no foundation, and I was floundering. Never have I been that unsure while performing and I just felt awful.
On my way home from this tough weekend, my Aunt Morgan happened to call me, having had just talked with my mother about my trials with this production. We talked for an hour about how I just have to let the answer come to me about where to go with this and how I want this production to affect me, also whether or not I wanted to go on and do the next production with this group, The North Pole Express. All I can do is be grateful for what I have. I must know that my true income doesn't come from a paid gig, but from all those around me who support me to create fully and truly according to my own standards.

So, I don't know yet if I'm going to go on with the Essex Steam Train production as I had thought. I haven't signed any contracts for The North Pole Express, so if it is the correct to leave that production before it has started, so be it. It may just not be the correct place for me to be right now, but I'm still listening for that answer to make sure it comes from a place separate from others and separate from my own ego.

How about a lighter note... :-)

I'm going to Cheyenne's concert at Carnegie Hall with my mom on Friday and I can't wait! It'll be so great to hear him sing live again. Everyone should check out his interview in the November issue of "Out" Magazine. He talks about The Green which is so cool!

Last night I had my first rehearsal for Shoreline Gospel, which I am so excited to be doing. What's better than singing gospel music with a bunch of community members from the shoreline of Connecticut? :-) The joy and love for coming together and singing was so palpable last night. I just haven't sung in a choir like this since high school and I totally missed it. I'm performing with my friend Stuart, and after he saw how happy I was to sing in this choir, he mentioned that he's performing in a choir production of Rob Mathes work in Greenwich in a couple of weeks and that if I could learn the music I could perform too. "YES!" Stuart was so great, he emailed me all the music, copied the sheet music for me to learn, and I go to a rehearsal in Rye, New York tomorrow with him. The music is absolutely wonderful and I can't wait to be singing along with the tenor part, being apart of this larger group where everyone has their duty to create these songs. Once I get more details about both concerts, I'll be sure to let everyone know.

I also just found this on YouTube...
http://www.youtube.com/user/scottalannet#p/u/14/VjBlYhxzl40
Scott Alan is an amazing composer/songwriter and openly gay artist. His music is beautiful and I know I will sing some of his work for that cabaret that I will do someday... :-)

If you can't watch the video (which is hilarious) here's Scott Alan's description of his new project...

"At least once a day I get an email from aspiring musical theatre performers wanting to find ways to explore more opportunities to learn about the industry but one major thing is standing in there way - they can't afford it. Many of my contemporaries offer incredible masterclasses with many teaching courses on how to write for musical theatre or teaching on better ways to audition. Well, starting in January, I too will be starting my own masterclass.

Once a month, I will offer a two hour masterclass at a rehearsal space in New York City. Each class will center on something different pertaining to musical theatre and ways to grow in the field. In addition, each month will host a special guest who will be on hand for the 'Q and A' session with a Broadway Personality. I have already started lining up guests. Those joining us will include Tony Award winning actors and actresses; long running featured members of Broadway's hit shows; Award Winning composers and lyricist (both established and up and coming); Award winning Choreographers; set designers; costume designers; casting directors and many many more !!!

So, what's so special about this masterclass ? Well ...

IT'S FREE !!!!

Yes, you heard me right. Absolutely free. I will be taking care of all the costs myself. Why, you may ask, would I do something like that ... well, the answer is simple - I love the arts and I have been fortunate enough to make a living doing what it is I love. When I started producing the 'Monday Nights, New Voices' series, I started realizing how important it is to give back to the community. I make no money off of this series, often losing money, and yet, I am more proud of producing this night of new talent then of anything else I have ever done so far in the industry. What it comes down to is ... I love what I do and it is so rare for people to love what they do. Truthfully, I wouldn't be able to do this without any of you and so, for one year, every month, I will host this masterclass as my way to give back to all of you.

So, why should I pick you ? Great question I don't know the answer to, yet !! It's time for you to tell me. Each person applying will need to write me a short essay about what theatre means to them and why being accepted into this program is important for you. It is as simple as that."

So, by November 15th, I'm going to write my essay about why theatre is so important to me, what it has done for me in my own life, and where I hope to go with it. I also really want to do his "Monday Nights, New Voices", and will be sending in my information and links for that as well very soon.

Right now I'm looking for opportunities that will keep me experiencing my passion, keep me learning more about myself and how I work, and keep me choosing happiness. These experiences and opportunities that allow this growth are not all amazing and glittery, but they are the ones that keep me on the correct path and supply the true income of all that I need at that time.