Sunday, October 2, 2011

What happened to September?

What actually happened to September? Like, seriously though.... 
It’s finally becoming sweater weather and I have a night to sit and write a catch-up blog. I’m gonna push through and get to everything in a “short and concise” way. September was insane, full of ups and downs in all directions and on all levels. 
My brand new cabaret, “Braver. Stronger. Smarter.” has been coming together in so many amazing ways, and I am so proud of what it is becoming. Working with Martin and Shannon on this piece has been absolutely perfect. Their team-work in creating a compelling and intricate piece on all levels has set me in a beautiful state of pure joy and peace for this process. The stories are strong, the songs are just-right, and the combination of these two story-telling techniques brings my life to a whole new place. 
With less than two weeks till my performance date, I am in memorization mode. This isn’t like my first cabaret where I had my little cheat sheet on a music stand in front of me. Nope, not this time. Now it’s more of an hour-long autobiographical one-man musical. So I really have to know it backwards and forwards. I have a feeling I know it better than I feel I do, but tomorrow is my day to get the rest of the fuzzy spots sharp and toned for performance mode. 
Here’s my poster for the show with all the information for the performance. If you’re in the area and can make it out, be sure to make a reservation so you can get a discounted ticket at the door!


The creation of this piece couldn’t have come at a better time for me. Recently I’ve been going through those “actor crises”, aka, “Am I good enough to be in this commercial musical theatre world?”, “Why am I putting myself through this all?”, “Is this really what I want to be doing with my life?”. There’s a lot of business that people talked about that I didn’t initially pay attention to, but am now facing from time to time. This commercial musical theatre world (a term I got from my auditioning workshop) has the option of being EXTREMELY picky. The fact that I possibly didn’t get a role because I was too tall, that I may smile too much during one audition and then not enough for another, or that I’m gay (yes, even in this gay world there is fear about casting a gay man in certain roles) just makes my skin squirm. 
But this is where I am for now. I’m going to continue to audition for these big regional shows as well as Broadway because that was and still is an aspect of my dream. However, I am going to be spending more time on creating more of this work that I’m doing with my cabaret, whether it is touring this piece, creating new ones, or another dream of mine, creating a company dedicated to creating and spreading this kind of truthful, musical, theatrical story-telling. Obviously that is all up in the air now, but my cabaret has definitely opened my eyes to the kind of work that I truly want to do and the opportunities that have started to open up with that drive. 
In that “actor crisis” moment, I got super sick. Sicker than I’ve been in years. I was out for a week with a scary throat thing. With a lot of scared friends telling me I should “go get it checked out” I turned back to my Christian Science roots and had a beautiful healing. While they are supportive, I know a lot of my non-Christian Science friends think I’m crazy for not going to the doctor, especially when “my body is my career”. But I didn’t get to almost 24-years-old as healthy as I am without Christian Science. 
“But medicine is reliable. Why not rely on medicine to keep your body, your instrument in this business, in top shape to succeed?” 
Christian Science and its scientific healing methods have proved just as reliable as any medicine in my life as well as thousands of others. Sure, I definitely thought about going to the doctor a few weeks ago, afraid of never being able to sing again. But I stayed with Christian Science to eliminate the fear of any material substance being able to take my joy of performing away. And here I am today, no pills or shots and singing just as I was before. 
I’m continuing on with Christian Science now in a way that I haven’t experienced in a long time. After not being allowed to go back to the Christian Science camps because of being openly gay, I definitely took a step back from my faith. Now I am seeing clearer than ever that I can be whoever I am as well as believe and practice whatever faith that centers me to live a fruitful life. Christian Science is right for me now. Sure, there are still questions that I have, but this is truly a science, providing the methods and tools to live a happy, centered, and joy-filled life everyday. So this is where I’m starting from. 
Catering has been getting really old recently. Like really old. I feel like those older school horses for horseback riding classes/camps that just get bitter and pissy when they’re ridden so much with inexperienced riders. I find myself getting continually more and more snappy and pissed when I get back from working, and sometimes even while at work. So I’m staying open to other options for work if they come along. I still can’t beat the flexibility and pay that catering has to offer. Thus I’m going to stick it out for a little longer. Let’s just hope I don’t kick or bite someone like those school horses do... 
Amidst these little dips and bumps along the way, I have been the happiest I have been in a really long time. I met the most wonderful man who has brought not only so much light into my life, but continually stretches me to think, grow, and learn. You hear how the happiest couples explain that they are best friends. I never understood that until now. I can tell him ANYTHING I’m thinking about or dealing with. I’ve even been able to be really honest and open talking about Christian Science; the subject of faith in my past relationships wasn’t ever really talked about. But with us, both being spiritual people, we definitely talk about it, and I can’t explain how grateful I am for that. 
What’s even more amazing is that my parents like him. Yes, my boyfriend came to see me in “The Producers” this summer and stayed at my house for four days, hanging out with my parents and I. It’s crazy to think that just a few years ago I wouldn’t even dream about actually bringing someone home to introduce to my parents. We as a family just weren’t there yet. When I look back actually though, I think it was more my fear than my parents’, but it is what it is. To add to that, Mom and I took a day trip up to the Ogunquit Playhouse in Maine last weekend to see my boyfriend in their production of “Miss Saigon” (which was INSANELY FABULOUS). 
Everything feels sorta surreal right now, everything from how accepting my parents are and how open I can be with them about who I truly am, along with having this wonderful man in my life. I am so blessed. 
On another completely different note, I just figured out how to get some of my choreography up onto YouTube. So be sure to check it out! You can follow this link to my channel and see all of the videos I uploaded:
http://www.youtube.com/user/SchuylerJBeeman?feature=mhee#p/u
It has been a busy and eventful September to say the least. I am looking so forward to this October with my cabaret coming up as well as lot of auditions for shows I feel I’m right for. 
So here’s a big fall welcome to all! May the changing of seasons meet you well with lots of fresh apple cider, a new sweater, and the beautiful autumnal leaves.

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